Im new to here and can see this isnt really the forum i was looking for however basically i need advice on my own mental health from many people as im not trully satisfied with my treatment as medication is all many docters seem to offer and would like a semi anon post and oppinion..
I may sound a bit sooky but im only here to say the negative parts of my symptoms, i could say some good things but thats not important to you and not helping me improve my life by removing these bad parts..
I was diagnosed with psycosis a few years ago and a possible bipolar or possible schitsophrenia type syndrome however the docters are uncertain.
I believe i have some major anxiety problems.
I have for many years had a problem with concentrating and a problem with racing thoughts of negativity in my mind.When i am working i can work quite well when i dont have anything bad on my mind, but if there is ,well i can never get it out and i may start talking to myself or drifting off and i feel green inside.
People who know me well know i am capable of being quite good at things but i feel like this negative part of my mind takes hold and ruins everything for me physically, mentally and socially.
It is really hard to control.
I have for many years since a mid teen(even though i was popular in school) had a problem with social skills and often think people are talking about me behind my back even if they were not and think the only things i liked are dangerous things.
When the negative part comes out it i feel suicidal yet have control over it for friends and family reasons.
I have for many years felt like a failure with things like work when i am capable of great work yet i sometimes become mentally retarded for a while and lose my pride as i dont know why this is happening to me.
I have in recent years experiemented with drugs however i was like this before that, but not so extreme.Pot for me was a real nono and it does not make me feel good, extreme paranoia, stimulants or relaxing benzo type drugs were my thing occasionally and mostly in small doses.
I feel mentally stuffed sometimes and just want to be able to work and have control over what im thinking about and when.
It may sound bad however its not so bad in the last year since ive had a very nice yet brutal girlfriend whos helped me cleanup my act and point in in the right path.
However i now look back at my life with shame sometimes at some mistakes i made when i was in these moods and i still have trouble concentrating.
I have had a serious temper sometimes however its only verbal.
For some reason i dont enjoy many things everyone else likes and i feel fake by trying to make others happy just pretending everythings rosy.
If thats not enough information i can elaborate further.
Thanks.